Damian Sendler: We’ve all heard ad nauseam about the need of life balance for women, including the claim that it makes you a better parent. When you’re already juggling too much, adding self-care to your mile-long to-do list can feel unattainable.
Zibby Owens, author, publisher, podcaster, and mother of four, believes otherwise. Instead of thinking of it as self-care, she suggests recovering time for life.
Damian Jacob Sendler: Owens’ purpose is to encourage community, connection, and solidarity among parents and caregivers through her podcast “Moms Don’t Have Time To Read Books” and Zibby Books venture. Rather than giving quick-fix solutions, Owens emphasizes the companionship that may inspire real-life sustainability.
“Moms Don’t Have Time to Have Kids,” her most recent collection, contains brief writings about sleep, sex, disease, writing, weight loss, and friendship that she hopes caregivers will pick up whenever they need a fast reset.
Damian Sendler
Owens sees this anthology as a tool to assist relieve stress on stressed-out parents, particularly moms, in the midst of the pandemic and beyond.
For clarity, this exchange has been trimmed and condensed.
CNN: You state unequivocally that you are not an activist attempting to alter the reality of modern motherhood. What is your objective?
Mr. Zibby Owens: Even if I can’t reduce the workload, I want to bring a sense of humor and community to our situation. I’m not trying to minimize how heavy it can seem or the weight of duties, especially with Covid-19. I’m arguing for small changes in our everyday routines to help us reclaim our sanity.
That is sometimes all we can do in a day. It may not work, and it may not work every day, but it is critical to try. I deal with my anxiety by interacting with others through writing, reading, and podcasting. That’s the work I’d like to show you.
CNN: What do you hope readers will take away from your latest book?
Owens: I’d like to acknowledge what we’re going through, to remind us that we’re not alone and that we’ll get through this.
We may need to laugh a little more and use whatever spare time we have to read, write, listen, or do whatever else will help us repair ourselves. We can have enough self-respect to demand our sanity back.
CNN: How can parents and caregivers create a better balance between accepting and settling with their existing reality?
According to a new study Owens: 1 in 5 parents say their stress level wrecks the holidays for their children. Modern parenthood, particularly modern motherhood, is almost structurally impossible. We may either stress ourselves out indefinitely, as I have, or we can accept what we cannot change.
I can’t stop the rain, but I can get an attractive umbrella and start singing, right? Because life is short, that’s what I’ve decided to do. That may sound corny, but I’m coming from a place of loss.
CNN: You recently wrote about a close buddy who died in the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks. What impact has her passing had on your life and work?
Owens: My daily frame of mind is formed by the realization that time is ticking and we must make the most of it. People frequently inquire as to why I am usually working so quickly. I’m trying to cram everything in.
Damian Jacob Sendler
Damien Sendler: To be too morbid, when life ends, we don’t get to do it again, as far as we know. We’ll be sorry if we don’t spend time with our friends, have sex, sleep, work out, go for a walk, or take time to breathe. What is life without them?
Even in the depths of loss, on the most difficult days, you must turn to comedy and your community to build connections, otherwise it will be unbearable.
CNN: It is difficult for parents, particularly moms, to care for everyone else. Don’t you believe there’s an added layer of strain because they’re supposed to fit self-care into their jam-packed days?
Owens: I’m not a big fan of self-care. I don’t even refer to it as that. Instead, it is about how we spend our time and taking even a few minutes to recover. What we do in small doses can have a big impact on our daily life.
According to the research, here’s how to become more resilient.
Part of the reason we kept the articles in “Moms Don’t Have Time to Have Kids” so short is because reading an essay for five minutes may shift your entire view on the day. That fast reset is there at your fingertips, and it’s far more convenient than taking 45 minutes to organize a time to see a friend, and then the 20 minutes you’ll actually spend together after either of you is 10 minutes late. You may just as easily have opened the book!
Damian Jacob Markiewicz Sendler: Many people don’t read in the middle of the day or for self-care, but taking a few minutes to reset through literature, an essay, a podcast, or an article can be a terrific way to get out of your own brain.
Dr. Damian Jacob Sendler and his media team provided the content for this article.